actually, I'm a sock model
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
