dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
