You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize