Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
