No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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