Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
