did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
