Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
