trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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