he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
