went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
