he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
