Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
