just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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