I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
