Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
