I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
