he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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