i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize