i think my tv is drunk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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