Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
