my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
