you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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