Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
