i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
