I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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