Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
