I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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