if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
