The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
