Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
