i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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