Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
