dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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