Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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