True but thats because hes a fetus.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
