I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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