Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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