It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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