it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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