y did u give ur computer a hand job?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
