I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize