Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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