instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
