dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
