Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
