I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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