Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
