So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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