Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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