Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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