He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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