In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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