you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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