i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
