so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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