his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
