sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
