Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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