It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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