they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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