I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
