What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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