Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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