I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
