dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
