I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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