On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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