I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
