she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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